Making friends as an adult is a unique challenge. Whether you have moved cities, started a new job, or even stayed put you are likely not alone in this struggle as we have all experienced friends coming and going in our lives.  

Feeling connected to our community is important for our mental and social wellbeing. Friendships can be a rich addition to our lives as they can bring a comforting sense of stability and connection.  

Making and keeping friendships in adulthood requires deliberate effort, and overcoming the uncomfortable feeling of putting yourself out there.  It is important to be open-minded, positive and proactive, and avoid overthinking the process of making friends. Here are a few tips on how to make friends as an adult to get you started. 

Make a list of potential friends, and reach out to them.  

Is there someone you have met at work or elsewhere that you have thought you might like to get to know. Once you have your list, take a look and consider extending an invitation for grabbing coffee or going on a walk. Activities with short durations and low commitment are excellent ways to get to know each other without the pressure of a meal or timed event.  

Try sending a text that sounds something like this  

“Hi Sam, I really enjoyed chatting at the event last week. I was wondering if you were free Friday afternoon for a coffee? Would love to hang out, but no pressure if that doesn’t work for you schedule.”  

Put it in Your Calendar  

While we all need some spontaneity in our lives, it can be difficult to line up schedules with those around us due to any number of commitments such as work, and family. The best way to overcome this hurdle is to set a date and time in your calendars and to make space to spend time with those you are hoping to get to know.  

Say Yes!  

Yes, it is easy to say no, especially when you are tired, busy, and overscheduled, but if someone invites you out to do something, try and say yes and make it happen. If your anxious thoughts get in the way of accepting invitations, remind yourself that this person has invited you out because they like you and want to get to know you better.  

Of course, take care of yourself first and foremost, and do not accept invitations if you are unwell and it is truly beyond your capacity for energy. If you do have to say no, try taking the opportunity to suggest another day or time to hang out.  

Saying yes and accepting invitations can open doors and is a great way to expand your friendships.  

Try New Things  

Making new friends can be a little easier of you have a shared interest or hobby to bond over. Think if there is an activity you have been wanting to try such as rock climbing, baking, sewing, or even swimming and look around online to see if there are any clubs in your local area for this activity. Searching Facebook or your local city council website is an excellent way to find groups and clubs of shared interest.

Remember forming and maintaining friendships takes effort and care. A good friend doesn’t make friendships all about their needs but also takes an active interest in the other person. Make sure you regularly reach out to your new friends and show an interest in the things that are important to them.